How do I bring up this child? Is really a frequently asked question by many moms and dads who come face to face with a kid with disability. The problem starts once the doctor announces that the child includes a disability. The first reaction of the mother or father is denial, � my kid is not disabled, the doctor made the mistake� The grandparents add to this stating some uncle or aunty was just like this but then they became normal. Therefore there is no need for anxiety. Everything can become normal. But when there is no improvement the next phase is to shop around for a cure through pillar to post. Parents refuse to pay attention to the doctors� suggestions. Parents anticipate some miracle and after shopping around winds up either with over protection or even with rejection.
All these have an impact on the development of the kid. In the case of a child with mental impairment parents have sympathy for the kid Most parents feel that the child will not understand anything and try to give a great deal of allowance for the child. A lot of concession is given for the misbehaviour from the child. The child with mental impairment has some comprehension though not as much as his / her age level Most moms and dads allow the child to behave as the girl /he likes and finally are afraid to take the child to public collecting because thay think the child may misbehave when people are around.
We usually forget to remember that the kid is observing us as we take notice of the child. He/She knows our some weakness and strong points and what may affect us more. Some kids say “I know how to get points done, when friends come to check us out we get what ever we need. � “Our screaming in a general public place makes my mother anxious and she will do anything for me� So even if we are anxious try not to express it out wardly.
Another big error we all do is to ignore the kids when they are quite and mind their own work. We have a tendency to complete the work as fast as we can when there is simply no disturbance. We pay attention to the child the moment the child throws something to the flooring, or screams. This reinforces the kid to misbehave. As parents whenever we are ready to appreciate the child when he could be behaving well, then the child may also appreciate us and behave nicely.
Parents need to keep in mind that discipline is same for every one particular; I mean same for all the children presently there need not be two yard stays.  If we start treating the impaired child like any other child. in your own home as well as in front of others, problems are usually less. We have come across children who also behave well at home misbehave in the public place, scream and even move on the ground and throw mud upon every one, just to get attention. These youngsters are very sure their parents are in their mercy. There is a six yr old child who insists on having a shaving cream when ever he appointments a super market. No one is their home uses the shaving lotion. If you don’t allow him to take the particular cream he will roll on the ground plus scream. When he visits exactly the same super market with his school buddies and teachers, he usually drags the teacher to the cupboard exactly where they have the shaving cream, the particular teacher explains to him which he doesn’t need that instead he is able to take a biscuits or chocolate with a dazzling cover he agrees. Simply no crying or temper tantrums. All of what he wanted was not the particular shaving cream but the bright include of the shaving cream.. In many cases all of us see that if you understand the child rather than saying NO to the child you are able to manage the child.
Parents usually feel that a disabled kid is a punishment from god with regard to what they have done in the previous birth. They will don’t want to show the child towards the out side world. We have the mother who takes the child for the walk around 9PM when every body is definitely inside the house. She says this is to prevent disgrace; She wanted to avoid the queries asked by her friends plus neighbours. The more and more she eliminates people, people have the interest to find out what exactly is wrong with the child. Instead if you possibly could introduce the child to others plus introduce some friends of their own age group, people will have empathy for your child and help you also. In some instances this kind of socialisation will help in the child’s social development.
We come across many parents who are quite spontaneous in using the word (Don’t do it)
“Don’t head out in the sun� “don’t play within the rain� “don’t eat ice cream� “don’t play with that child� The number of of us have the time and the persistence to tell the child why the child are unable to do that and instead what the kid can do. When we give instruction towards the child “Don’t play in the rain� do we ever convey the main reason?. And teach the child to make document boat so that when the rain prevents he can play in the rain drinking water. The child will definitely respond to your ask for, not to play in the rain. Try to give positive commands instead of disadvantages. Many parents have the tendency to speak about the child to others like close friends and relatives in the child’s existence. The positive as well as the negative behaviours are usually reinforced. If we talk about any behavior that is worrying us the child requires the clue from us and misbehaves all the more in front of the visitors. So it is often better to avoid the mistake of any kind of discussion in front of the child.
Parents need to keep in mind that we need to deal with the child with disability as any additional child in the family. Children find out what they live as described simply by an unknown author
If children lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn
If a child lives with hatred,
He learns in order to fight.
If children lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives along with jealousy,
He discovers to feel guilty.
If a child lives with threshold,
He learns to become patient.
If children lives with encouragement,
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with compliment,
He learns in order to praise.
If children lives with fairness,
He learns justice,
If a child lives with safety,
He learns to get faith.
If children lives with approval,
He learns to like themselves.
If a child lifestyles with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find like in the world.
As all of us set rules for the children in the event that permitted children may also like to established rules for us and question all of us. We usually do not allow that. Allow us to give them permission and keep our personal in the shoe of the child plus listen to what they want to say. For some moms and dads it will be really shocking.
- If we have done some thing wrong, you have every right to show what was wrong with us or exactly where we went wrong. Please allow it to be short, and without shouting at all of us in front of others try to make all of us understand what was wrong. Please don’t go about it for hours.
- Please do remember the good things about all of us as well as the bad. If we are noiseless and did something you can enjoy, give us positive strokes instantly.
- If you want all of us to do something or don’t would like us to do, explain to us the reason why we cannot do that and rather you can tell us what we can do. Plus please don’t expect us in order to obey you as you are our moms and dads We are fed up of the command� comply with as I say so� ******)
- Please tell us specifically when you are satisfied with us, � You behaved nicely when friends visited us or perhaps you didn’t make noise when I had been talking to my friend� This will help all of us to understand how we have to behave plus go on behaving like that.
- If you make mistakes don’t really feel bad to admit it. Should you choose something wrong, please apologize, we ought to do the same.
- Could you listen to us more often? In case you listen to us you can understand all of us better and why we act in a certain way, and some occasions why we misbehave. Then we are more willing to listen to you.
- When we go out at night we should be back by a certain period. Our programmes need to be planned based on our convenience and likes and dislikes rather than according to your convenience. This will help you to definitely avoid the conflicts between us.
- When our friends check us out, please welcome them, but usually do not ask them lot of questions about their house, parent’s family and what they do in their free time. We need some privacy
- We want to be trusted, so please don’t worry about us so much, and don’t always expect the worst.
- You often tell us that you simply didn’t do that when you were younger. We should be genuinely interested to know exactly what you did when you were younger.
If you retain in mind another six rules concerning how you can spoil your child you can be small careful and you can live without stress.
1. From childhood give the child everything he needs. In this way if he grows up he can think that the world needs to give in to any or all his demands.
2. When he picks up bad terms laugh about it. This will give him a concept that he is cute. It will motivate him to pick up more words that will assist you hang your head when he or she uses these words in a general public place.
3. Make sure you do avoid using the word “Wrong� It might develop a guilt complex in the kid.
4. One of the mother or father make it a point to pick up every thing he simply leaves like books and toys right after he plays or comes back at school and do every thing for him could he asks for any help so when he grows up into adult cover he will shun all the responsibilities plus expect you to do ever matter for him. As the child gets older you are also growing old and you may not need the strength and energy to perform everything for him if he could be dependent on you
5. Fight often in your children’s presence. So they will feel insecure and in some cases try to elope from the family.
6. Never try to correct him whenever he quarrels with friends plus neighbours, blindly support him to ensure that at later stage he will be a nuisance in the neighbourhood and the local community will try to use force to manage him
No one has a right to state that he /she is a good parent or even bad parent. In our anxiety to provide our best to the child, we create lot of mistakes, if we can appropriate some of these mistakes which every one really does at some stage of their life we are able to help our children with disability to become useful citizens and not be {a burden|a problem
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